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Paul/Brock: Previously on Bard Rock Cafe with the party together for their first job they went to the general’s general store to deal with the rat problem our heroes trekked through sewers until they found the rats were actually being controlled by Amanda and Sigmund a couple who were down on their luck because of the general store the party didn’t have the heart to turn them in and instead helped them start a new life working for Brock’s parents they were collecting their reward when Epi suddenly disappeared the question was again where in Faerun did their friend Epi go find out today on Bard Rock Cafe
Kenny/DM: hi welcome to the Bard Rock Cafe dnd podcast I am Kenny your dm for the evening and this is episode four thank you so much for listening I’d like to give a quick shout out to our paid sponsor sassy gamers thank you so much for sponsoring us and without further ado here are our players
Paul/Brock: hello I’m Paul and I play Brock Song the kalashtar noble who gave up his charmed life to pursue his dream of being a bard and opened the Bard Rock Cafe
Khadeja/Rook: hi I’m Khadeja Ali. I play Rook a teenage half elf from water deep docks district with sticky fingers
Stephanie/Epi: hi I’m Steph and I play Epi a goat-eyed tiefling wizard but don’t tell anybody because he’s posing as an acolyte of the Raven Queen
Tyler/Armbar: and I’m Tyler playing as Roland Armbar wild magic barbarian and the hired muscle for the Bard Rock Cafe
Kenny/DM: okay Epi so you realize that this guy he is doing something shady doesn’t want to be seen but you think he’s on the up and up and then immediately you find yourself staring at a wall full of trumpets
Stephanie/Epi: I duck
Kenny/DM: okay I mean you see just trumpets lining the wall oh okay
Stephanie/Epi: so they’re not being immediately played
Kenny/DM: no that would be horrible
Stephanie/Epi: just yeah in front of a marching band Epi ducks instinctively on sight at a trumpet
Paul/Brock: canonically Epi’s greatest fear is marching bands
Stephanie/Epi: we have made a character choice
Kenny/DM: so okay you talk nothing happens
Stephanie/Epi: all right I look back up
Kenny/DM: it’s fairly quiet actually look around behind you. you see a tuba some flutes the next aisle over you see violins and lyres and lutes you seem to have found yourself in an instrument shop
Stephanie/Epi: well that’s not what I was expecting
Kenny/DM: hello can I help you
Stephanie/Epi: yes I just wandered in from outside
Kenny/DM: how did you get in without the bell ringing
Stephanie/Epi: uh tiefling I just point at my hooves
Kenny/DM: uh that’s not… okay
Stephanie/Epi: don’t worry don’t worry it happens all the time
Kenny/DM: right can I help you find something
Stephanie/Epi: sure um you know I heard rumors that there was a um a flute with an enchantment on it one that could you know make pets dance and sing have you ever heard of such a thing
Kenny/DM: are you putting me on
Stephanie/Epi: unfortunately no this is the first flute shop I could find
Kenny/DM: you came to a flute shop to find an instrument to play for your pets
Stephanie/Epi: no, no. one that’s specifically enchanted to make them dance
Kenny/DM: listen that’s something you’ll probably find in the castle ward at some of the enchantment shops this is just an instrument shop do you need a drum you seem to march to your own beat anyway
Stephanie/Epi: that is some that is some classic marching band humor um no I think I’m good thank you for your help do you need anything at all uh any instruments unless you have one that can play itself I uh I think I’m good I don’t do you have one that can play itself
Kenny/DM: I don’t appreciate your sense of humor I don’t appreciate you wasting my time and impugning the reputation of my carefully curated inventory get out goodbye
Stephanie/Epi: and I’m going to make a point of opening the door in such a way that I ding the bell not at her and walk outside where am I
Kenny/DM: you are you’re it looks like you’re still in the trades ward somewhere but like you don’t know where
Paul/Brock: and off in the distance you can actually hear Brock singing where in Faerun did our friend Epi go
Kenny/DM: you do actually hear that you are fairly close
Stephanie/Epi: oh spectacular I am going to follow the sultry sound of our bard
Kenny/DM: okay uh you round a couple corners and there he is
Paul/Brock: Epi
Stephanie/Epi: Brock Rook big fella so I found a music shop it wasn’t intentional I don’t think she likes my humor
Paul/Brock: but did they have an instrument that plays itself
Stephanie/Epi: they don’t
Paul/Brock: someday
Stephanie/Epi: they have way too many trumpets though you shudders a little
Paul/Brock: I thought you’d be right at home with a wall full of horns
Stephanie/Epi: never heard that one before
Kenny/DM: she had heard that one before many many times he sorry so where do you guys go now you have collected your payments you all have a membership card for the general’s general goods store good for 10 off uh any goods that they stock are at 10 below the price listed in the player’s handbook for you
Paul/Brock: so I think that the order of business should be to go back to where Roland and I are staying in the castle ward and take very thorough baths and then at this point it’s probably late in the evening so we should probably circle back with Felix deliver our gold to Felix and then we should decide what quest we want to do next
Stephanie/Epi: how much gold did we get
Kenny/DM: you don’t know yet you haven’t counted it
Paul/Brock: I was busy finding Epi first uh I opened the pouch I look how much gold we got
Kenny/DM: you get 1 500 silver which counts to about 150 gold
Paul/Brock: that’s not too bad alright we got a hund… we gotta yep I i slowly count it because I’m a bard and I’m not so good at the math and there’s a lot of silver there
Stephanie/Epi: take your time
Paul/Brock: sorry my degree is in music
Stephanie/Epi: I can tell
Paul/Brock: all right it looks like we have about 1500 silver here
Khadeja/Rook: he’s got more you know I saw where he keeps his money maybe if we play our cards right we don’t have to do any jobs for him at all to get the money if you know what I mean
Paul/Brock: hmm I think I do yeah it did occur to me it sounds like the uh general wasn’t a very good guy
Khadeja/Rook: nope
Stephanie/Epi: it doesn’t sound like he generally treats his employees very well
Khadeja/Rook: nope
Tyler/Armbar: and he doesn’t seem like a very light sleeper
Kenny/DM: so hang on
Paul/Brock: that’s a good point too now I’m just gonna very quickly
Kenny/DM: just real quick time out Epi you disappear
Stephanie/Epi: god dang it there we go again
Kenny/DM: okay you all see Epi just vanish. you don’t see Epi you don’t hear Epi. Epi you’re standing in the same spot you were you still see your friends right there
Stephanie/Epi: what oh no I’m just gonna sit there and I’m gonna be like ah so this is how my butler feels
Paul/Brock: do we hear Epi
Kenny/DM: nope
Paul/Brock: all right Epi watches as I start waving my hands around where they are trying to find them and I actually like if you can imagine like someone swinging their hands back and forth and arch trying to like figure out something like in the space they were occupying like where the hell did she go
Kenny/DM: you pop Epi on the side of the head
Paul/Brock: oh I’m so sorry
Stephanie/Epi: I’m just going to put a hand on his shoulder and that’s I’m just going to look him in the eye and say can you hear me
Paul/Brock: I have a vacant expression on my face
Kenny/DM: yeah you guys don’t hear anything
Paul/Brock: uh I believe Epi is here because I physically bopped something that or it’s a ghost
Stephanie/Epi: I am going to I’m going to grab him by his ear and tug and that sort of like tug on someone’s ear when they’re in trouble kind of thing
Paul/Brock: ow it’s either Epi or an angry ghost
Kenny/DM: okay so about a minute passes and Epi reappears
Khadeja/Rook: that was weird
Stephanie/Epi: I have a slight feeling at the magic’s gone screwy again
Paul/Brock: so this is new
Khadeja/Rook: yes
Paul/Brock: uh I was breathing bubbles earlier and then you disappeared twice does any this is all started today for has anyone else experienced things like this
Khadeja/Rook: not me but maybe it has something to do with the obelisk
Paul/Brock: the obe- what
Stephanie/Epi: Epi looks very intently that’s young Rook
Khadeja/Rook: oh
Stephanie/Epi: oh yes do tell I’d love to know more about the obelisk
Khadeja/Rook: I forgot you guys didn’t see it that’s what crashed into the cafe Brock
Paul/Brock: uh obelisk it’s like a big rock basically not to be confused with the Bard Rock
Stephanie/Epi: don’t worry so an obelisk it’s like a rock but it’s long it’s pointy and it looks like a tower with no windows in it sometimes
Khadeja/Rook: Rook nods yeah it was like that
Tyler/Armbar: what do you suppose what kind of influence this would have with this mistake
Paul/Brock: so I think uh now they do know I’m the owner there we might be able to get in and take a closer look if I say to them I just need some things from the premises if they survive the fire they might let me lay in for a few minutes if we want to take a closer look
Stephanie/Epi: that would be wonderful let’s do that right now and I’m going to grab him by the head and start kind of walking that way
Kenny/DM: all right so you guys make your way towards the castle district uh where are you guys headed
Paul/Brock: I think we’re going to if you might call Epi was just dragging me so I think we’re gonna forgo those baths for a moment and we’re gonna go and see if I can get some things from the Bard Rock
Kenny/DM: okay well the Bard Rock is just south of the castle district so you guys make your way there out without any trouble uh you do see all the guards standing outside seems like it’s the same shift from the last time
Stephanie/Epi: Epi just let’s go of the arm kind of you know shepherds you forward a little bit
Paul/Brock: hello I we spoke earlier I’m Brock Song the proprietor of the Bard Rock Cafe I know that you weren’t letting folks in but actually I only have the one change of clothes and I didn’t get any of my personal belongings can we get in for just a few minutes to gather some of my personal effects I brought some friends to make it quicker
Kenny/DM: hey so uh yeah I totally remember you from earlier here’s the thing everything that was inside has been either gathered up and put into storage at the nearest guard post for evidence and study or it’s been completely ruined beyond all repair and it’s just been out there
Paul/Brock: no so I don’t even have a change of clothes left in there
Kenny/DM: you don’t have anything left in there it’s just ruined
Paul/Brock: ah you didn’t have to rub it in this has been a hard week for
Kenny/DM: you have nothing. Nothing!
Paul/Brock: uh all right can I roll inside to get the impression that this guard would ever let us in
Kenny/DM: sure go ahead
Paul/Brock: I rolled uh 15 plus zero
Kenny/DM: you get the sense that he’s not very bright and he’s just following orders
Paul/Brock: all right is there a- I would really appreciate if I could just even just a few minutes to look around I wanna see how bad it is for the repairs can I do that maybe do I have to speak like your supervisor and maybe they can let me in I just it’s been a really hard week and I want to know how hard it’s going to be to get my place back in business
Kenny/DM: oh sure I understand you’re having a really hard week and I’m so sorry about that so here’s the thing I’ve been told not to let anyone in because last time we had a guard impersonating individual named Kevyn he came in and all sorts of crazy stuff happened our magister started spewing sand out of his robes no idea why he said it was magic I’ve never seen magic like that and I’ve been on the force for three years anyway so he had to leave and until he gets back I don’t know if he’s still spewing sand or not but it gets everywhere it’s very coarse and unpleasant so until then I’m not supposed to let anyone in here all of us have the same orders I’m very sorry if you want to take it up with the guard captain he can be found at the guard captain quarters in this the doc’s district tower it’s right on the border with the castle ward and he kind of pulls out a map and shows you on the map where it is so feel free to head up there but I can’t let you in
Paul/Brock: right now I completely understand you’re just doing your job you know I I’m you know I’m of the uh water deep song family so I know I’m sure you’re aware my family has the deepest respect for the guards I will go speak to the captain to see if I can get a direct order just let me in I’d be helpful if I could let the people that would be doing the repairs know the extent they’ll need to be working so I’ll go take that up with him
Kenny/DM: oh sure I’m happy to help best of luck to you
Paul/Brock: all right so uh I will without Epi shepherding me there make my way there
Stephanie/Epi: Epi follows slightly dejected and not being able to go in just yet but hopeful that you know maybe soon
Kenny/DM: so you guys make your way up to the guard captain’s outpost there is a it’s just a guard post right there’s a little it’s a two room place uh the back room has the cells in it the front room has like the bunks for the guards and like the equipment storage and stuff like that you see a guy sitting at a desk seemingly shuffling through paperwork and signing off on stuff now
Paul/Brock: does he do I see anything that says like maybe he’s the captain or if he’s like the desk worker do I see any like any sort of like regalia that indicate he’s of a higher rank or is he just the clerk at the desk
Kenny/DM: he does seem to be the captain you do see a captain’s badge
Paul/Brock: all right so I walk up to him and say uh hello sir I’m sorry to disturb you I’m Brock Song the owner of the Bard Rock Cafe and I was just I went over there I was trying to survey the damage because I’m trying to get repairs planned and uh the guard said I need to speak to you about getting access to my place of business for just 10 15 minutes so I can look around
Kenny/DM: nasty business that’s my sympathies to you
Paul/Brock: thank you
Kenny/DM: my understanding is that the guild of magisters has asked not to have anyone come in or out until the meteor impact has been fully studied I believe they were going to be done by the end of the day but we had some complications I think the new deadline is the end of tomorrow at which point I believe we’re going to try to move some things out of there particularly out of the basement where the meteor struck ah and after that you’re free to go in and out begin repairs anything like that so give us another day to it the most and then check back
Paul/Brock: all right uh one other thing then uh the guard mentioned that and I was also hoping to recover some personal belongings when I was there uh the guards that were there mentioned that all of my belongings that did survive the fire would be entering evidence is there a way I could have access to that I only have the one change of clothes at the moment
Kenny/DM: ah I see uh he kind of motions for you to come back he’s like follow me and he opens up the in the back room there’s
Paul/Brock: and is does he make only letting me or can everyone kind of tag along
Kenny/DM: everyone can tag along there’s nothing to hide uh he does take you back there is kind of a wall of chests stacked on top of each other uh there is one that’s labeled Bard Rock Cafe and he kind of wiggles it out from the slot that it was inserted and he opens it up and I mean everything’s dirty and kind of fire damaged but the stuff that’s in there seems salvageable um he says now this is all the personal effects that we were able to recover some of the bulkier stuff like the alcoholic beverages that were in the basement were largely unharmed those have been moved to a warehouse those will be returned once we are out
Paul/Brock: all right thank you and I look through it I’m specifically looking I planning on taking like the whole thing anyway probably because I do need a change of clothes uh but I’m looking through it just to like get an idea of what it is and if there’s anything like from the basement where maybe that would be helpful to somebody who’s able to examine it for magic stuff to get better idea what’s going on with that obelisk
Kenny/DM: it looks like it’s just some personal effects looks like some mugs from the bar you do have what clothes are still usable are in there they smell very smoky and some of them have some burn marks on them for the most part you still just have all your regular stuff
Paul/Brock: all right uh I thank the guard for his time and we head out and uh once we’re a safe distance away that would probably be where we can have a discussion about what we want to do next
Kenny/DM: and he lets you leave he wishes to the best of luck with your repairs apologizes again for the inconvenience sends you on your way
Paul/Brock: all right thank you kindly and uh once we get a fair distance away sorry I tried I don’t think they’re gonna let us in there
Stephanie/Epi: well at least you gave it a good shot I appreciate you
Khadeja/Rook: well Rook says I mean we could still try to get in maybe when it’s darker we have tonight
Paul/Brock: I think about it for a minute I go I hear what you’re saying my one concern is I if anything were to go south with this I don’t think that we would be the code legal is pretty tight I don’t know if we want to risk getting in trouble with the guards for a direct look at that obelisk
Khadeja/Rook: Rook shrugs
Stephanie/Epi: well on the bright side the magistrate isn’t there right now so they may not be able to tell if you had any sort of magical assistance in getting into the bard Rook
Tyler/Armbar: I would just hate for somebody to see what we do and then the Bard Rock can’t face reputation goes right down the tubes
Stephanie/Epi: the strong man has a good point if we did anything we’d have to be very, very sneaky about it
Paul/Brock: or maybe we don’t have to be sneaky about it maybe someone being incredibly not sneaky would be the perfect distraction
Khadeja/Rook: indeed
Paul/Brock: I look at my flute and I think myself guys I think I know what we can do
Khadeja/Rook: what’s the plan
Paul/Brock: all right so I actually do need cash right now so uh the area across the street is not sanctioned off so maybe if I put together a little impromptu concert collect a couple of coins from the street maybe the enough of the guards would be distracted that uh those of us whom are more inclined to be sneaky might be able to get in and get a closer look
Khadeja/Rook: if I go on my own I won’t understand anything so who would come inside with me
Stephanie/Epi: I volunteer at no particular reason
Khadeja/Rook: I think I could manage it
Paul/Brock: and then we can have uh Roland you could be the lookout and you can signal me if anyone’s close to seeing them
Tyler/Armbar: aye aye boss anything you say
Paul/Brock: all right so the plan as I understand it for our dm’s convenience is we wait until it gets a little bit darker and then I will go make a display of myself play music on the street corner adjacent nearby hopefully distracting the guard sufficiently to give our uh wizard and our rogue the ability to sneak into the basement unnoticed and Tyler will keep an eye out on them to make sure that they don’t get caught and help me make a better distraction if they will
Stephanie/Epi: oh I’m so excited for this
Kenny/DM: okay so how long do you guys wait what it’s already in the evening like 6 6 30.
Paul/Brock: all right my question is how late would it have to be where there’s still people out on the streets that would be actually reasonably attending my street performance because we wait too late then there won’t be anyone there and I’ll just look ridiculous
Kenny/DM: so you do know that you live on kind of a performance road so Leera’s alley has the Bard Rock Cafe it also has the Three Towers which is a performance hall that is also a bar and people go there to listen to bards and once a week there’s like kind of a karaoke thing where anybody can come up and sing but most nights they have somebody paid to play for the night it’s just kind of a nightclub kind of thing so as it gets later there is a nightlife that is centered on your street
Paul/Brock: all right so I think the ideal distraction if I want to get the attention of the guards would be to do it right before it gets busiest on the street so that the guards will have their attention drawn to it I want to do it before any other performers that might perform the streets start though
Kenny/DM: okay so you think seven to eight is a little too early for the nightlife to be started but people will start being out and about at that point
Paul/Brock: that sounds perfect to me unless people want to try waiting later
Stephanie/Epi: I think it’s a good idea
Tyler/Armbar: not me
Khadeja/Rook: I’m good with it
Kenny/DM: okay so you guys make your way back to the Bard Rock Cafe
Paul/Brock: yeah uh I think there’s probably enough time we also properly bathe first because it sounds like we had at least an hour
Kenny/DM: sure you’re pushing it a little bit but I’ll allow it you guys go and get a proper shower and come back and you feel better about yourselves and you make your way back to the Bard Rock Cafe
Paul/Brock: all right so I will let everyone get in position and I just kind of like stake out my corner and once they’re in position I have a number ready I’m prepared to play
Kenny/DM: okay uh go ahead and roll performance for me
Paul/Brock: should I do that after I perform
Kenny/DM: sure go ahead
Paul/Brock: all right so I so I have uh the three inches so I start doing is I start playing a bum bum bum bum bum bum bum and then I use prestidigitation to shoot out a shower of sparks and then pull out my flute and I start playing the song Flash by Queen and I rolled uh nine plus seven that is 16.
Kenny/DM: okay you’ve certainly got people’s attention because of the flashiness if not because you played flawlessly you’re still playing pretty good but you know this is outside of the Bard Rock and three towers where performers come fairly regularly but people are taking notice
Paul/Brock: and I do have my violin case on the ground in front of me by the way
Kenny/DM: okay so you’re taking tips right
Paul/Brock: yep
Kenny/DM: okay uh how long do you play I am going to play basically I have a set of songs i’ll be cycling through for the next at least 15 minutes to half an hour watching for a signal I can keep going but I’m watching for some sort of signal from Roland that it’s okay to stop and then i’ll play my final number when I see that signal
Tyler/Armbar: so what signal am I looking for uh
Paul/Brock: you’re supposed to be keeping an eye out on our two infiltrators if you see they’re in danger you signal me if you see that they’re done with the job you signal me no I’m just gonna keep playing I’m the distraction so I’m just being as flashy over the top as possible to keep everyone’s eyes on me
Tyler/Armbar: okay
Paul/Brock: and you’re gonna send me one of two signals either they’re in danger be more distracting or they’re all good do your finale
Tyler/Armbar: okay
Kenny/DM: you do seem to have the attention of the guards most of them the guard that you spoke to earlier while he has taken notice of you does not seem to be too distracted by you uh one of the guards is actually leaving his post to come over and give you a tip he gets kind of the stink eye from the other guards but nothing’s really happening right now Rook and Epi you do see a small opening very briefly to that same hole in the back of the cafe
Khadeja/Rook: all right I signal to Epi to follow me and we’re gonna try and stealth it in there
Stephanie/Epi: I’m gonna pull a misty step
Kenny/DM: okay so you’re
Stephanie/Epi: sure this will end well
Kenny/DM: misty step inside of the Bard Rock Cafe yeah and would I be able to do a few things while we were on the way there tell me what you’re doing can I ritual cast the detect magic and would I also be able to pull and alter self again hang on one second
Paul/Brock: presumably there was some time for me to actually get ready for my set so you would have the lead in for it
Stephanie/Epi: yeah
Kenny/DM: so alter self and detect magic are both concentration you can only have one going at a time
Stephanie/Epi: ah gotcha they both have the little c marker by them okay then I would like to um I’d like to stick with alt herself instead of the tech match before this all goes down Epi just sort of you know looks at Rook and then just says “don’t tell anyone I can do this” and just sort of holds a finger up to his lips and you watch as the horns pull back in and just it’s like this you know five foot seven tiefling man pulls into just this waif of a human girl who comes up to Rook’s shoulder at most and just you know the scraggly dirt blonde hair and everything
Khadeja/Rook: Rook nods she’s impressed
Stephanie/Epi: well that takes some doin
Kenny/DM: Rook, go ahead you roll still unless you have something to get in
Paul/Brock: Do they get advantage because of my distraction?
Kenny/DM: They go ahead and roll it normal
Khadeja/Rook: I got 20 total
Kenny/DM: the one guard that’s paying attention rolled really well but not that well nice
Stephanie/Epi: that’s a rogue for you
Khadeja/Rook: thank god
Kenny/DM: so you sneak in Epi you misty step in and you see a small green wisp appear in front of you condense into an acorn and drop to the ground
Stephanie/Epi: that is fascinating I am going to pocket that acorn
Kenny/DM: okay you guys are in the Bard Rock Cafe and no one seems to have noticed you
Stephanie/Epi: I message Rook so um where do we go from here I don’t think I can climb down the hole like even his voice has changed
Khadeja/Rook: you couldn’t have turned into somebody more agile Rook rolls her eyes follow me
Stephanie/Epi: I follow Rook and kind of shrug
Khadeja/Rook: um if I remember correctly I acrobaticsed my way down but I think you told me there was a way I could have climbed down am I correct
Kenny/DM: so you’ve done this a couple of times now you’ve climbed up the shelves which previously had all the booze on them now the shelves are empty which give you some stuff to grab onto it’s still like an acrobatic thing but one you think it’s gonna be a little easier and two you’ve done it before
Khadeja/Rook: so yeah I think it’s probably the safest is it the safest looking option for this tiny girl um will she be able to reach the shelves and everything
Kenny/DM: so let me say this alter self you can change your appearance at any time for the duration of the spell so if you want to give yourself some things to help out like claws or like longer legs you could do that
Paul/Brock: that’s a sweet spell
Stephanie/Epi: I love this spell
Khadeja/Rook: Rook did not know that Rook is really impressed and Rook is just going to lead little Epi down the shelves
Stephanie/Epi: excellent and you watch as Epi kind of reaches for one of them just kind of deep size and then you see just the girl seems to age up just a bit until she’s tall enough to be able to climb down this the uh thing you know
Kenny/DM: okay both of you was a little both of you wrote me acrobatics at advantage
Khadeja/Rook: alrighty
Stephanie/Epi: okay
Khadeja/Rook: 24
Kenny/DM: yeah you make it
Stephanie/Epi: dirty 20.
Kenny/DM: you make it you are both in the basement you see the obelisk still head down three feet into the ground still with the glowing golden sigils all along the side
Stephanie/Epi: Epi immediately takes out his notebook and starts sketching whatever definitely was not sketched the last time
Kenny/DM: okay Rook what are you doing
Khadeja/Rook: Rook has taken a look at this thing before and feels like there’s nothing new she can gain from it so she is going to kind of stand guard and look out see if anyone comes in
Kenny/DM: okay go ahead and roll perception then
Khadeja/Rook: ten
Kenny/DM: okay you keep a look up nobody seems to be coming down here just yet Epi you’re able to copy all the runes and sigils that you’re able to see you copy completely into your book very accurately yeah
Stephanie/Epi: okay with a slightly longer time to look at it can I do I see like maybe what type of magic it is or anything do I notice anything
Kenny/DM: do you drop alter yourself to use detect magic
Stephanie/Epi: no I’m just looking at it with my eyeballs
Kenny/DM: it’s an obelisk made of obsidian with golden sigils that glow. you can roll an arcana check if you want as you’re taking a long time to look at it
Stephanie/Epi: yeah let’s do an arcana check all right ketchup dice don’t fail me now ketchup guys why okay so I got a nine plus six solid 15.
Kenny/DM: with a 15 you are fairly certain this is magical but you can’t glean any information about it specifically you do know that these sigils are a language but you don’t know what language you’re looking at you’ve never heard of anything like this obelisk before you don’t know what you’re looking at it’s a mystery to you
Stephanie/Epi: fair enough so I’m going to very quietly message Rook I’m going to be like going to try something stand back always
Khadeja/Rook: you don’t have to tell Rook twice she stands back
Stephanie/Epi: all right I cast message while we were down there that’s the cantrip right um I jot down in my book that I cast message okay and then I pull out my little twig mutter a few words and the string spools up and I cast unseen servant again
Kenny/DM: Epi, pick any character in the world anyone
Stephanie/Epi: that specific magistrate with the sand
Kenny/DM: okay
Stephanie/Epi: I’m sure this will end well
Kenny/DM: you have 25 words what do you say to him as you cast sending centered on him
Stephanie/Epi: let me think about this for just a hot second so would I be able to do it in Kevyn’s voice
Kenny/DM: sure
Stephanie/Epi: and the voice of Kevyn
Paul/Brock: I knew you’re gonna do that
Stephanie/Epi: and the voice of Kevyn with a y I would like to say are you enjoying your sandy beaches I hope that you are sincerely Kevyn with a y
Kenny/DM: that was 11 words I think you don’t have to use all of them if that’s all you want to say that could be it
Stephanie/Epi: that’s all I want to say
Kenny/DM: okay so you feel the spell dissipate you have cast sending you are positive it went through to the magistrate spectacular and you have an unseen servant now
Stephanie/Epi: I look over there I look back to Rook with just the biggest grin on my face oh oh that’s interesting I’m gonna have to tell you about that later
Kenny/DM: cool are you done
Stephanie/Epi: I don’t think I can capture anything else for now and I have learned some valuable information do we climb back up the way we came or
Kenny/DM: yeah
Stephanie/Epi: while we’re down there can I do one last look around to see if there’s anything down there of of note
Kenny/DM: it is empty down here
Stephanie/Epi: fair enough
Kenny/DM: so both of you roll acrobatics at advantage again climb back up
Khadeja/Rook: 15.
Stephanie/Epi: okay I’m not kidding I rolled a natural plus a one for a solid 21 to scoot my butt up there
Kenny/DM: but you rolled in that 20.
Stephanie/Epi: but I rolled in that 20 right next to the obelisk I’m sure this will be fine
Khadeja/Rook: yeah
Stephanie/Epi: 2d 100
Kenny/DM: yep would you like to roll it or take the ones I rolled
Stephanie/Epi: if any of mine involve fireballs then we’ll take the one that you rolled I actually don’t know
Kenny/DM: go ahead and roll
Stephanie/Epi: okay we’ve got a 15 and a 23.
Paul/Brock: I swear if you disappear again
Stephanie/Epi: it’s fine it’s fine
Tyler/Armbar: how could it possibly happen again
Kenny/DM: okay
Stephanie/Epi: the nat 20s are getting me man
Kenny/DM: yeah all right these are both bad choose which number you would like
Stephanie/Epi: oh no 23 it is
Kenny/DM: okay as you make your way out of the basement you see that the guard has made his way back to his posts
Stephanie/Epi: I’m so sorry
Kenny/DM: what is your save dc
Stephanie/Epi: oh no uh it’s uh it’s a solid 14 because I still had mage armor up if that was still up
Paul/Brock: it’s been like over an hour though
Stephanie/Epi: that’s still up it’s eight hours actually
Paul/Brock: oh wow
Stephanie/Epi: yeah that’s pretty sweet
Kenny/DM: do me a favor yeah roll eight d6
Stephanie/Epi: oh no is it fireball
Kenny/DM: it is lightning bolt
Stephanie/Epi: eight d6 29
Kenny/DM: Rook give me a d100 roll as well
Khadeja/Rook: just one
Kenny/DM: yeah just one
Khadeja/Rook: 39
Kenny/DM: 39 all right hang on let me see what yours does
Paul/Brock: yeah I’m wondering if Roland can see any of this from his vantage point
Kenny/DM: okay
Khadeja/Rook: I still don’t even know what those 8d6 are sorry
Kenny/DM: yikes all right Khadeja until further notice you have complete amnesia starting immediately
Khadeja/Rook: Rook is in a daze huh
Kenny/DM: as for the guard he does duck out of the way of the lightning bolt
Stephanie/Epi: oh thank god
Kenny/DM: it shoots and like fries some of his hair he shouts an alarm he has not seen inside just yet what do you what do you do
Khadeja/Rook: well a guard right outside that I heard scream so Rook is confused and screams also
Stephanie/Epi: I would like if at all possible to um use can I do a reaction with thaumaturgy
Kenny/DM: no
Stephanie/Epi: dang uh can I reaction cover her mouth
Kenny/DM: yeah you can do that okay khadeja do you let her cover your mouth
Khadeja/Rook: no Rook is very paranoid right now Rook hisses at epi’s hand and tries to scramble away as far as she can get
Kenny/DM: okay ah we’ll be a deck sax
Khadeja/Rook: dex save oh my god where is it here we go 20.
Kenny/DM: okay so you catch yourself
Paul/Brock: natural or dirty
Kenny/DM: dirty
Khadeja/Rook: uh dirty yeah oh my god holy [crap] this place is broken
Stephanie/Epi: I’m going to yell out sister calm down I don’t know how we got here either the
Khadeja/Rook: Rook is just stunned
Stephanie/Epi: there was a lightning bolt we were at home and now we’re here
Kenny/DM: all right so Armbar and Brock you guys definitely saw the lightning bolt come out from inside of the Bard Rock Cafe everybody saw it. It was very loud and very striking. Everybody saw so everybody sees it coming out oh
Paul/Brock: yeah but it wasn’t uh but wasn’t everyone facing me for the most part
Kenny/DM: yeah until a bolt of lightning streaked out of the cafe
Tyler/Armbar: yeah lightning strikes pretty fast
Paul/Brock: so I actually like when I see the lightning bolt coming I actually strike a pose as if it’s part of my pyrotechnics show
Tyler/Armbar: good call
Kenny/DM: roll performance
Stephanie/Epi: I believe in you
Paul/Brock: I rolled yeah you really shouldn’t I rolled a four plus seven is eleven
Stephanie/Epi: damn it
Kenny/DM: okay
Paul/Brock: that plus seven helps a lot though
Stephanie/Epi: yes it does at least it wasn’t a 20.
Kenny/DM: you convince some people the guards are definitely going towards the hole at the back
Paul/Brock: I’m gonna take a risk here and cast enthrall- did I miss my window to do it
Kenny/DM: let me check the spell that’s 60 feet sure you can get every guard except the one in the back
Paul/Brock: all right so I’m going to go ahead and I switch to playing my fiddle and I start singing a beautiful set of lyrics to cast enthrall to try and get as many people as possible not to go investigate what clearly is just stuff going south
Kenny/DM: what is your save dc
Paul/Brock: all right my save dc is 13.
Kenny/DM: all three fail now I’m going to see if you need actually no y’all are around the object you don’t need to just roll me at d100
Paul/Brock: wait do I roll the d100
Kenny/DM: oh yeah
Paul/Brock: all right let me make sure I have the right dice this time I rolled a 78. come on something distracting
Kenny/DM: okay you cast dispel magic
Paul/Brock: on what?
Stephanie/Epi: oh no
Kenny/DM: Epi
Stephanie/Epi: oh no
Kenny/DM: Epi I will let you I will let you roll it evens unseen servant odds alt herself roll me whatever you want
Stephanie/Epi: okay okay okay
Paul/Brock: come on unseen servant
Stephanie/Epi: shiny blue dice please evens 18.
Kenny/DM: okay your unseen servant poofs away he’s not there anymore
Stephanie/Epi: I breathe a heavy sigh of relief
Kenny/DM: you don’t know what’s happening
Paul/Brock: no I think she meant she does
Stephanie/Epi: yes I personally do
Kenny/DM: the three guards are now enthralled by you they are focused entirely on you they seem to have forgotten what they were doing the one guard in the back is still coming into the Bard Rock Cafe he sees the two of you standing there he has it he pulls out his sword he’s like what’s going on here
Stephanie/Epi: sir sir we teleported we were at home my sister and I and then we wound up here I don’t know what happened I’m gonna be a little weepy
Tyler/Armbar: while they’re doing that try and like distracting the guard Armbar is gonna sneak up behind the guard and try to get him in a choke hold and knock him out
Kenny/DM: all right roll me a stealth check
Paul/Brock: Armbar’s strong suit by far
Tyler/Armbar: 18
Kenny/DM: Awesome. You are you are stealthy
Paul/Brock: fun fact every time I’ve ever said that to Tyler in DND he’s had a good role I kid you not
Stephanie/Epi: keep saying it
Kenny/DM: that’s awesome
Stephanie/Epi: keep saying it
Kenny/DM: Roland technically you had a round at the start of all this that was your action stealth and movement so you are able to make your way behind this guy he does not see you go ahead and roll I will say just roll athletics
Tyler/Armbar: 16.
Kenny/DM: now I gotta look up this guy’s athletics score
Tyler/Armbar: freaking pull some haggar [stuff]
Stephanie/Epi: all right I believe in you
Kenny/DM: you just beat his 15.
Tyler/Armbar: oh wow
Paul/Brock: so I breathe a sigh of relief
Kenny/DM: he is now grappling what is your strength score
Tyler/Armbar: um 17
Kenny/DM: okay you think it’ll take about around maybe two for him to go all the way unconscious but you have him grappled and in great in such a way that he can’t really yell out either I will give you that all right so Rook you’re seeing all this happen
Khadeja/Rook: yeah
Paul/Brock: and have no idea what’s going on
Kenny/DM: what is your amnesiac response to this
Khadeja/Rook: Rook was horrified when the guard was coming up to her with a sword and then a huge guy shows up behind him and grabs him and Rook goes holy [crap] what the hell is this where the hell am I she shrieks okay Rook is frozen in place doesn’t move
Kenny/DM: okay Brock go ahead give me a performance check
Paul/Brock: all right that is a nat 20. oh boy for the best performance I’ve ever performed unfortunately not 20s have caveats
Kenny/DM: so despite her screaming at the top of her lungs you have them very enthralled and they are focused on you and not her but she rolled in that 20. so we’re only two d 100s
Paul/Brock: uh 48 and 57. if I get a choice I pick 57 because 48 is really dangerously close to the bubbles and I can’t lose my verbal components I don’t remember what number I got the bubbles with before but I don’t want to risk it
Kenny/DM: so as your Dm I am giving you 47. you don’t know you don’t know what it does but it’s not the bubbles okay but for right now nothing happens
Paul/Brock: all right
Kenny/DM: I am giving you because you rolled in that 20 I am giving you the better option
Paul/Brock: okay
Kenny/DM: where that one gives you the worst option
Paul/Brock: okay I appreciate that now do I know that something happened even though I don’t know what it is
Kenny/DM: you don’t feel any different there is no external sign that something has happened
Paul/Brock: okay all right
Kenny/DM: so next round Epi and Rook you’re watching as Roland Armbar is wrestling this guy into submission Armbar go ahead and roll another athletics
Tyler/Armbar: on boy I got eight
Kenny/DM: eight total?
Tyler/Armbar: eight total
Kenny/DM: okay he wrestles free uh that is his action to get out what would you like to do because you have about a split second before he starts shouting
Paul/Brock: are you guys grappling on the stairs
Kenny/DM: no they are out back like right behind that hole in the back of the Bard Rock Cafe
Paul/Brock: all right so right at the top of the stairs or the hole or you no you don’t mean the cellar entrance you mean the hole
Kenny/DM: yeah the hole in the back wall Epi and Rook you both see this you can also take an action right now if you would like to
Stephanie/Epi: Rook is frozen in place and I still look like a young girl I’m going to run up and you know holding my hands up I’m like look please you’re my sister just follow me we’ve got to get out of here and I look her very sternly in the eyes and like just I’m trying to convey how much we need to get out of here and I hold my hand out to take hers but I don’t take her hand I’m just holding it out there
Khadeja/Rook: Rook doesn’t see another choice doesn’t take her hand but nods at her but looks at her very suspiciously
Kenny/DM: okay
Stephanie/Epi: that’ll do and if I’ve got her attention I’m gonna start running
Kenny/DM: Do you follow?
Khadeja/Rook: yes
Kenny/DM: okay
Khadeja/Rook: absolutely
Kenny/DM: you both sprint out of the the Bard Rock Cafe Roland what are you doing
Tyler/Armbar: I guess I’m gonna have to do it a take down and like do some kind of like move to get him on the ground by also trying to you know keep him from yelling while these guys are escaping
Kenny/DM: okay so that’s fairly complicated and very quick roll and let roll athletics at disadvantage
Tyler/Armbar: 10.
Kenny/DM: that’s enough so you get him back he breaks free for just a second but you grab him back into another hold so you’ve got him same situation he is now on his knees at this point
Tyler/Armbar: okay
Kenny/DM: you haven’t grappled you can drag him at half speed somewhere if you would like
Tyler/Armbar: I’ll attempt to is there like any alleyway with no people around
Kenny/DM: I mean it’s now getting to happy hour like there’s gonna be a lot of people everywhere in very short amount of time
Tyler/Armbar: are we in the Bard Rock Cafe
Kenny/DM: mostly you’re like half and half inside and out so people haven’t really noticed what’s going on because you’re at the back of the bar drop cafe
Tyler/Armbar: I’ll try to wrestle them into the bar rock a little bit under by like buy some debris to get some cover
Kenny/DM: sure so you’re you take him inside the bar drop
Tyler/Armbar: yeah okay
Kenny/DM: Rook roll me a wisdom saving through
Khadeja/Rook: all right oh my wisdom is the worst okay oh a natural 20.
Stephanie/Epi: oh no
Kenny/DM: all right y’all so first of all first of all you come to your senses your memories come flooding back like it just snaps back into place we’re only 2d 100
Khadeja/Rook: 53 and 74.
Kenny/DM: 53 and 74 okay
Paul/Brock: I would laugh so hard if it was amnesia again
Khadeja/Rook: oh man
Kenny/DM: these are both good choose which one you would like
Khadeja/Rook: oh good i’ll take that 74.
Kenny/DM: choose a creature you can see
Khadeja/Rook: a creature I can see
Kenny/DM: a creature you can see any creature person whatever
Khadeja/Rook: uh a snake
Kenny/DM: no no I mean something you don’t see a snake right now like
Khadeja/Rook: okay
Kenny/DM: as you look around you see like
Khadeja/Rook: sorry
Kenny/DM: no like you see Epi you see the guards you see Roland
Khadeja/Rook: okay all right all right I choose the guard
Kenny/DM: okay you all right you learned that this guard is a member of the church of tyr you learn that he belongs to the city watch who also learned that he belongs to the xanathar’s guild
Paul/Brock: ooh
Kenny/DM: you just gain that knowledge and know it to be fact
Khadeja/Rook: okay cool I’m going to write that down all right
Kenny/DM: okay and that is your event y’all are rolling a whole lot of math 20s all at once isn’t this wild?
Paul/Brock: and the most inconsequential rules by the way
Kenny/DM: I’m guessing you’re continuing to play uh Brock
Paul/Brock: yep I am I have to continue singing or I will lose my enthrall over everybody so I am just continuing to sing until I see a signal and of course the lookout is preoccupied so I’m just playing can I see any of this going on like at all
Kenny/DM: no not a bit you don’t you saw the lightning bolt you know [something] has gone wrong very very wrong but you see nothing
Paul/Brock: how am I doing on tips
Kenny/DM: oh man I will let you know right now you’re you notice you have a lot of coins but again they’re tips so there’s a lot of silver and copper in there there’s a couple of gold coins though so you you’re doing okay
Paul/Brock: all right
Kenny/DM: all right so you’re continuing to play Roland are you continuing to grapple this guy are
Tyler/Armbar: is everybody kind of like out of out of there now like is Epi and Rook
Kenny/DM: yeah they’re gone
Tyler/Armbar: okay I’m gonna try to throw the guy down the hole in the basement
Kenny/DM: okay
Stephanie/Epi: Excellent
Kenny/DM: so roll athletics come on I got seven okay so he manages to break free of your grapple but you do manage to get him close enough to the hole he does fall in so he falls and takes four bludgeoning damage as he falls flat on his back he is still conscious what do you do
Tyler/Armbar: I think there’s only thing one thing you can that a uh an arm bar can do in this moment it has to jump down after them and elbow drop them
Kenny/DM: okay roll me at d4 plus your strength modifier okay
Tyler/Armbar: 7
Kenny/DM: so that’s seven all right we’re only just a straight d20 all right so he does get mostly out of the way so he takes four points of damage he looks really bruised and beat up and he’s prone as are you at this point you take seven points of damage as you also fall down into the hole you’re both down there now uh Epi and Rook what are you doing
Khadeja/Rook: Rook is rubbing her eyes still stunned from the fact that she didn’t know who she was a few moments ago
Kenny/DM: oh real quick uh Roland she did that go ahead and roll me at d100 sorry I forgot you’re barbarian you have different triggers
Tyler/Armbar: 21
Kenny/DM: 21.
Tyler/Armbar: lay it on me
Kenny/DM: so have you seen the movie flubber
Tyler/Armbar: yeah
Paul/Brock: there’s no there is no sane outcome to follow up on that sentence
Kenny/DM: so you Armbar dropped this guy and you club him really good and then immediately bounce back up into the air you take no none of that seven damage none of it you come back down to arm bar him again bounce back up come back down bar him again then he bounced back up
Tyler/Armbar: finishing move
Paul/Brock: stop stop he’s already dead
Kenny/DM: and I mean you’re bouncing a good 30 feet in the air every time okay and then you come back down the third time and that’s it but this guy is all the way unconscious
Tyler/Armbar: yeah
Kenny/DM: not dead but
Tyler/Armbar: oh yeah I know what you’re doing
Kenny/DM: okay so that happened as of right now for the sake of expediency the other three guards are enthralled and not looking anywhere else Epi and Rook is there anything you two would like to do
Stephanie/Epi: okay I’m going to look at Rook and be like sister stay here I’m going to go get some help okay I still think she doesn’t have her memory back
Kenny/DM: sure
Khadeja/Rook: Rook says let’s just go to Brock
Stephanie/Epi: oh okay thank god you remember what’s going on why were you screaming okay I’m gonna go make sure our um our big muscley friend isn’t dead so um you get Brock I’m gonna get the big one and we’re all gonna be fine
Khadeja/Rook: sure and that’s when Rook makes her way towards Brock
Stephanie/Epi: and I’m going to if nobody’s there make my way towards that cellar door see if it’s unlocked
Kenny/DM: uh no it is locked
Paul/Brock: I love how they locked a door to a building with like 10 different points of entrance that are just wide open
Kenny/DM: Listen
Paul/Brock: like this one door they’re gonna lock
Kenny/DM: they have a very specific mode of operation here
Paul/Brock: fair enough
Kenny/DM: the front door for the record the front door is also locked the whole building has collapsed on itself but the front door is locked just so you know anyway go ahead
Stephanie/Epi: would I have time then to kind of crawl back into the Bard Rock just ever so briefly uh
Kenny/DM: with all the movement you’ve done I mean you can get inside like at that entrance but that’s about it
Stephanie/Epi: okay
Kenny/DM: Rook did you want to do anything when you got over to Brock
Khadeja/Rook: I wanted to I want to tell Brock that Epi’s still back there as um as well as oh my god what’s his name I’m sorry I’m sorry Tyler
Tyler/Armbar: Roland
Khadeja/Rook: Roland there we go oh my god so yeah I want to uh let Brock know that uh Roland and eppie are still back at the cafe
Paul/Brock: all right so you’re just kind of signaling me to keep playing
Khadeja/Rook: yeah exactly
Paul/Brock: all right so I kind of like see your sign to keep playing and so I’m actually going to try and even though I have them enthralled I’m going to try and be more distracting like uh switch up the song lyrics to something even more fast paced
Kenny/DM: okay roll performance
Paul/Brock: that is a nat one
Stephanie/Epi: oh boy oh boy
Paul/Brock: you hate to see it
Kenny/DM: you know the drill 2d 100
Paul/Brock: uh 79 and 77 if the die literally stuck on a corner for a second
Kenny/DM: okay so Epi once again you find one of your spell effects to be dispelled
Stephanie/Epi: oh no
Kenny/DM: you are now Epi
Stephanie/Epi: I look down I look up [dang]
Paul/Brock: oh that actually is not the worst thing that could have happened
Kenny/DM: well you rolled two numbers very close to each other
Paul/Brock: yeah
Kenny/DM: that was the worst option carry on
Paul/Brock: once again I the role player breathe a sigh of relief
Kenny/DM: Roland you are in the basement for the first time you see the obelisk is a large obsidian structure with a square base and a pointed coming to a tip but the first it’s three feet implanted into the ground upside down and you see glowing golden sigils all along it
Tyler/Armbar: okay
Kenny/DM: what languages do you speak
Tyler/Armbar: um uh common and orc
Kenny/DM: oh yeah no you don’t read that you do not understand what the sigil says but you see it
Tyler/Armbar: he’s uh Roland’s probably like enthralled with it and uh goes up to touch it
Paul/Brock: have any of us touched it yet
Stephanie/Epi: we have not
Tyler/Armbar: I wanted to see what would happen
Stephanie/Epi: do it do it
Paul/Brock: oh my this could be interesting or anticlimactic
Kenny/DM: so as you are the first one to touch it you uh for the next hour you gain the benefits of the tongues spell which means you speak every language every language okay and anyone who listens to you understands you and you understand anything that they say if you’re talking to a room full of orcs and goblins and elves the orcs think you’re speaking orcish the goblins think you’re speaking goblin the elves think you’re speaking elvish
Tyler/Armbar: okay
Kenny/DM: does that make sense
Tyler/Armbar: yep. Does that mean I can now read the sigils? I want to read it.
Kenny/DM: all right
Paul/Brock: it’s always Tyler
Stephanie/Epi: good for him good for him
Kenny/DM: and that’s where we’re going to end the episode
Paul/Brock: oh that’s a good one
Stephanie/Epi: that’s a good one I was three feet from it I didn’t think to touch it you
Kenny/DM: None of you touched it. I was like all right.
Stephanie/Epi: that’s the one that touches it you know what good for him
Tyler/Armbar: honestly I was thinking about it and then he said it was like three feet in the ground I’m like this must be massive
Stephanie/Epi: amazing spectacular Epi is going to have so many questions for you
Paul/Brock: thank you for listening to Bard Rock Cafe you can find more episodes on sassygamers.com have you considered becoming a patron you can get wild rewards like access to our patrons only discord tarot readings from Rook and access to exclusive one-shot campaigns set in the Bard Rock universe led by our dm Kenny visit patreon.com/bardrockcafe to find out more until next time rock on